Thursday, July 12, 2012

changes.

After running the gamut of appointments all through June, this week I got through my last medical appointment of the summer except for one. The last one is a really, really big one and will be happening next week. A week from today, I'll be having breast reduction surgery. It seems weird to talk about that here, and I've debated it for a while. Honestly, though, anyone who sees me in person is going to know immediately. It's not something I can avoid talking about, and it's very much on my mind. It's also going to affect my ability to make things and the way I run my business for the next 4-6 weeks, so I was going to have to address it in one form or another. I decided, after a couple of weeks of back-and-forth with myself, that I would go ahead and talk about it directly. When I was out with some work friends on Monday, somebody asked me why I wasn't drinking and I found myself telling them without hesitation. So I guess I'm ready to talk about it.


I've been having increasing neck and shoulder problems for a couple of years, and when I developed a pinched nerve in one arm I started seeing a massage therapist. She suggested getting a consultation to see if I was eligible for my insurance to cover a breast reduction. I got a referral and then dithered for a year before actually seeing a surgeon this past February. It's taken several months of awful, awkward consultations and jumping through paperwork hoops, but I finally got the approval last month. It's really important to me to do this, and I know I'll feel much better afterward, but I still have quite a bit of trepidation about it. I'm nervous about the surgery itself, particularly having to be under general anesthetic for several hours. That scares me. The recovery time is long. I won't be able to work out or make jewelry for a month, and the full recovery is even longer than that. Then there are questions of identity, as well. I'm not sure what I'll feel like in my own body, and that makes me nervous too. I know my body will feel better and work more efficiently and be healthier. But...I'll be a different person in a fundamental way. A different person who, for some time, is not able to do the work that makes me feel like myself. I'm excited, but I'm anxious too.


I'm genuinely looking forward to some enforced downtime. I'll be able to read as much as I want (expect at least one live-tweeted Raymond Chandler novel during the next month), and watch all the subtitled movies that are piled up in my Netflix queue. I can't watch those while I'm working on things, and I'm almost always working on things when the TV is on. I'll get to play Kingdom of Loathing whenever I want and maybe get better at working out the absurd, twisty instructions for quests. Basically, I'll have to relearn how to relax while my body heals. That will be really good for me. I'm a little nervous about not being able to work out. That's really important mood regulation for me, and I have visions of getting on Twitter and going on bitchy, frustrated rampages. (I need to line up a team of guardians to slap my hand if I start talking crazy in public.)


Both Leaves of Glass and urban legend will be closed from Wednesday, July 18 through at least the following Wednesday. When I reopen, I'll have all of my in-stock inventory listed and ready to ship (I've been working on getting that ready for the last couple of weeks). I'll continue to do shop updates with new things, which will also be ready to ship. However, I'm not going to be able to restock anything that sells out, or to make necklaces on alternate finishes/lengths of chain, until the end of August. I'll change my shop listings to reflect that, and will post here when I'm able to do customized lengths again.


I'm looking forward to feeling better. I'm looking forward to having it over with. I can't wait to have an entire month of genuine summer vacation and actual lying around. When the whole thing is over, if anyone reading this is considering the same procedure, I'll be happy to talk about my experience. Wish me luck.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kateri, it sounds like you've thought long and hard about this decision. I'm hoping & praying that everything goes smoothly, that the healing is fast and uneventful (with lots of time to relax & enjoy). If you'd like to spend a couple of days vegging at our house (complete with meals!), call me. Betty Ann

brenda said...

Wow, good for you, Kateri! I've worked in healthcare for many many years - don't worry about anesthesia. You will be totally and completely fine. :) Be kind to yourself during recovery. Allow yourself to heal. Listen to your body. Read to your heart's content. You will be SO much happier when you're healed up (I know this from friend's who've had the same surgery). Truly, you will. And big big hug now! And gentle hug later. :)

Wild Woman Jewelry said...

My best friend is waiting for her surgery date as well-- I know how this will free her and am wishing the same for you. rest and recover :)

Brittany @ Pro-Soup Propaganda said...

Good luck with everything!! I know Shana is super excited to come care for you and *I* am super excited for you to move to Portland because Portland is awesome and you should just be here. Everything in its own time! I do hope the surgery goes well without complications. I hope if you have any goofy, hopped-up-on-painkillers moments that you decide to tweet them. ;o)