This? This is brilliant. (Thanks to Shana for finding this on The Nervous Breakdown.)
Muppet Suite
by Jessy Randall
1. The Muppets on The Muppet Show
This one's job
was to yearn.
This one to love improbably.
This one to be pathetic.
This one to run berserk.
None of the jobs were useful
but we did them very well.
2. Miss Piggy
I was too big for him.
I gaped open. I know
I disgusted him. But
in secret he loved me.
I was addicted to shame.
3. Fozzy Bear
Those jokes I told - I got them
from books. Every one of them,
I stole. I knew you knew.
It was slow suicide, reciting those
stale tomatoes. Mushy. The seeds
black frost on the audience's applause.
4. The Swedish Chef
My exuberance
could kill someone.
I toss my cleavers,
enraptured with language.
I'll cook for you, eyeless,
illegible, illiterate.
5. Gonzo
My name means crazy.
What chance do I have?
But it also means brave.
I'm from farther away
than I've ever known.
I'd like to go back there someday.
6. The Mahnahmahnah Muppet
I come at it from the side.
That's the way to make everyone happy.
I repeat myself, decade
to decade. I never change
in my oddness. I'm a predictable
surprise.
7. Crazy Harry and Others
I'm made of explosions.
I get deliberately lost.
I'm singing the whole time.
A letter of the alphabet,
a glyph, a pronouncement.
8. Animal
When I call for my mother
you can tell I mean it.
I don't know a lot of words.
I don't need them.
9. The Muppets on the Muppet Show Again
We stand in our compartments, singing.
Our cells have no doors. We are
trapped and free, alone and surrounded.
We're the new Greek gods.
Even children know our songs.
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